Surprise....

I've actually found a guy who would rather think about physics than to find someone to date and to love, to give and sacrifice for.........well I guess its different for guys. As for me, I have ALWAYS been thinking of finding that certain guy who would make my pulse quicken, my heart flutter, my throat dry, my mind woozy, my mind full of him and wishing with every fibre of my body that I can see him again...and Praying and wishing that he feels the same way towards me too. But alas, men and women are programmed differently........
I've decided somehow to not to give my heart away so easily anymore. I've frozen my heart. I can't feel anymore. I've stopped myself from loving someone ever again. But how i miss that feeling. A feeling of bliss whenever I'm with him. Peace and happiness as we quarrelled over something stupid and how he understands me without me saying anything. I miss you. my dear polar bear. I miss you so much. I can't believe that I still harbour feelings for you after half a decade has passed by. I still like you and I miss being with you. IN all the ways that you make me irk, there are just as many that makes me smile and feel all fuzzy and warm inside. I wonder if anyone would ever love me the way i loved you. If only you had more guts and didn't care that much about appearances and were a bit more useful and more independent and responsible and caring, then ...only then would we make a perfect couple.

I can't stop the flow of tears down my face,
Thinking back in time when we were still young and innocent,
I've never thought that I would feel this way towards you,
How the shadow of your back gave me comfort and support,
How happy I feel when I was with you,
How painful it was being with you and not able to say what was in my heart,
All the times we were together,
We've always had this bubble around us that no one else could penetrate,
I felt special to you, and you to me, in a way I thought that you liked me,
After all you were the one who told me so at first,
You completely caught me off guard,
I know its stupid to still think of these times,
But it was these times that I felt I was alive,
You made me feel alive, polar bear,
I miss you, I love you and I hate you too for making me feel this way.
But alas, I've prepared myself for the moment,
the moment when you said that everything was just a prank.
How can I forget you. How can I forgive myself..when I knew that you've been playing with my heart all along and I've already forgiven you.