Memories and affect

Dearest Yamapi,

As people age, they grow wiser and learn from mistakes and to not commit the same mistakes again. But sometimes I find habits hard to break. Procrastination for one sticks to me as steadfast as if its somehow coded in my genes to predispose me to act in such a way. An act to willingly waste time and hinder one's path to success...seriously why do people do that? They say its because we do not find the task at hand valuable enough..but why can't we argue that one is sick or bored of doing one such task for long stretches of time and the soul or mind crave to dive in to a whole new dimension to stimulate its spark of interest once again. Rather like the firing of action potentials and neurotransmitters being fired and received at the synapses.

Every time I hear that song,
I will think of you.
How the words fit perfectly,
The feelings I have for you right at that moment,
I played the song because I like it,
Didn't expect that you would start singing along to it
Right at the place where it matters
In a way I hoped that you might have gotten the message
Maybe you did and chose to ignore it
Because of you I have developed an inferior complex
I've caged my heart
I can't feel or love anymore
I feel old and used
Though my age might not show......


But I guess maybe my attitude did?
The traditional way of getting guys don't work anymore
Nowadays guys prefer it if you indicate interest the moment your eyes clapped on his sexy body....
Or charming eyes, funny jokes, gentlemen ways ...but ultimately its the sexy body that attracts you most right? Don't try to deny it!
Sometimes my mind just checks out a guy......automatically and gives me a verdict...
                                 "Sexy hair" "Cute smile" "Gorgeous eyes" "A.B.S!!!"

And my conscious mind would think what the hell am i thinking about? Sometimes i wanna kill myself because i would try to imagine how a guy i see randomly on campus would look like shirtless.......haizzzz
(I actually did that to one of my profs.....mind you he is quite young and once he was wearing a shirt that is quite revealing and my naughty brain section went gaga...............)
I'm going NUTS!!! I hope I could get out of this phase or at least stop fantasizing alone.....>.<