Welcome to my place.....

Wanted to write a song instead turned out to be a poem.....=.=

2012-02-22T12:03:00.005-05:00

Sorry that I'm not beautiful enough for you

Seasons come and seasons go,

if only what I've felt can be gone,

And disappear with the snow as spring arrives,

Just like new life emerging from the ice.

But alas, I haven't change,

I've stayed the same as I come to find,

As foolish and stupid as the love songs played out to be,

I could never find the peace I seek.

I was always known as the smart girl in the long green skirt,

Nothing more and nothing less,

It was hard for me to express,

Who I really am much less,

If I have,

Skirts that cover my knee,

While every other young and beautiful girls around me,

Are waltzing around in skirts that end above the knee.

Times have changed, and I have grown,

Or so I thought,

After giving my heart to another,

I swore not to repeat the same error,

But alas,

I've made yet again another mistake,

Im sure that it would make my heart break,

I've fallen for another,

Who thinks I am not beautiful enough for

P.s: The good thing now tho I've found out early enough to hit the brakes before it is too late..man, how I hate this feeling tho. The feeling of rejection. I feel anger and hurt boiling up within me the moment he said it. I don't know exactly why he has a problem with me. Maybe its my religion? Or maybe its my complexion? Or maybe its just coz its me. Whatever the case I'm glad that I realized this early enough before its too late. Oh well. I guess I should worry more about whats happening in the world than this? But oh well, felt creative and passion this morning.

HAPPY Valentine's DAy..

2012-02-14T20:49:00.004-05:00

Hello dearest yamapi,

I have to say that today is the loneliest day of my life.

BUt after a long, hot shower and a piece of lovely vegetarian lagsana from my roomie. I'm feeling as happy as dew again.

Today is tuesday. I have a Social Psychology class in the morning at 10 a.m. And then an evening class for W.O.C: Food from 5.30 p.m to 8.30 p.m. The evening lecture was quite fascinating. Prof Fenster wanted to show us how much salt is present in chicken soup noodles (the instant noodle type) by using a simple bulb electric circuit. He suggested that we put on our sunglasses before he dunked the wires in..................and he wasn't kidding.

I guess Valentine's Day is a day that people would hate until they found someone they love. (Including me)

Mood:

2012-02-09T23:20:00.003-05:00

My current mood:

さくらガール by NeWS (Sakura Girl)

Its a break-up song.

Photographer: Grace Wang

Location: McGill Campus outside Brown Building

Time: Summer 2011

Shock senseless

2012-02-09T22:23:00.007-05:00

I've learned in Social Psychology today that mood is a feeling that you can't put a finger on, its rather general and you can either be in a good mood or a bad mood (or as usual people would say that they are in a crappy mood. period.[i don't know why I'm using this word and what the hell it means but it just seem to fit here.])

My mood now: ..........................

I'm numb or rather too tired to feel. I don't know why I am so tired. My roomie is feeling the same too! And she has this freaking political science midterm tomoro. Well, I have this dancing thing i have to attend to, me being the choreographer and the teacher. =.= I hope the dance will turn out well. It looks pretty terrible when Cher and I were trying it out and recording it on my mac. emmmm....ooohhhhh well.........

But contrary to the blank mood that I am in, I feel rather..emmm how to say it....I feel like writing ...like a lot of writing. I miss writing. I use write to express how I feel sometimes.

I feel sad. Because one of my most favourite singer/idol is getting married. He's so young!!! But I guess he is being responsible because he knocked up his girlfriend. I'm not sad that I can't get the chance to know him or meet him (this is a very stupid notion and most people would perceive my sadness to be the result of this). But rather, I didn't want him to marry someone just cause. He might end up having a bad marriage, then divorce, then alcohol, and drugs and engaging in various self-handicapping acts. This is like a typical show biz person's life.

I can still remember the time when he first got my eye when he was singing 'NEver AGain'. At that time, he was just a skinny lad in his late adolescent years. Now, he's grown to be a man. It's kinda scary.

And that brings it back in full circle to me.

I am no longer 16, I am turning 21 this year.

I too should have advanced in my life. But I feel that I haven't advanced in anyway at all in this department. Sure, my body has grown into what it should look like. My face stopped giving me pimple problems, other than the occasional blemishes. My face looks just fine. I have longer and recently permed hair, so as to boost my attractiveness. But somehow its not working. Maybe I should be more socialable and actually talk to a guy. But somehow I don't have time to do that and I feel a considerable distance to the guys around campus (cultural gap i presume).

People would perceive as a stuck-up asian bitch.

But the truth is I'm just really bad at conversations. I can easily talk to girls. But not guys...I get so shy and say STUPID things....FUCK this shit man.

My mom is always telling me not to go brandishing my loneliness to the world. But hey I AM LONELY, no one understands me here the way I want them to. HUman beings do indeed have a long path to social acceptance. It is said that human brains are so complex because we are cultural animals that needs social connections to survive and our brains have evolved to cope with this demand to have complex relationships with our fellow human beings.

And freaking Valentine is coming up soon....I'm gonna feel so out of place when I already feel out of place. Because EVERYWHERE on campus ON ANYDAY, you can see people snogging their FACES oFF. IT's FUCKING RETARDED and I FUCKING HATE it. EVEn my Roommate is SNOGGING A Guy (her bf) every now and then even though she KEPT telling me she need to study. BUT hey, if u need to study then stop seeing him for a while. oh well.........

LIFE SUCKS. God just HAD to make it IMPERFECT.

Amygdala overload...

2011-10-07T16:09:00.008-04:00

Dearest Yamapi,

I cannot fathom how life would be knowing all the horrible things that happen to people around the world. Last night I read about FGM for the first time and my heart bleeds for the millions of girls around the world who had to go through with it. I was and still am truly shocked and angry at what happened. I feel like I should do something to oppose such cruelty from ever re-surfacing. How could anyone...anyone allow such atrocity to happen. I am truly sad and angry at this stupid practice. I'm going though a very emotional stage now.....since it only happens every 5 days of the month. Fucking idiots.....whoever have thought of beginning such an outrageous tradition should be damned to stay in hell and tortured for the rest of eternity.

Just in case you all havent heard of FGM. It stands for Female Genitalia Mutilation. The name basically explains everything. It is a tradition practised in countries such as Africa, Egypt, Somalia, etc. Where girls at around the age of puberty or even younger are forced unknowingly to go through a procedure of having their clitoris cut off by a razor, scissors or knife and then, their legs are tied together for 40 days to let the wounds heal. During this time, food and water are scarcely given so as to prevent them having to go to the loo. In some cases, these range from a symbolic pricking or piercing of the clitoris or labia, to cauterization of the clitoris, cutting into the vagina to widen it (gishiri cutting), and introducing corrosive substances to tighten it.^([3], Wikipedia) Just think for a moment at the things that I have just written down...how can such a thing even be practised...even if it was practised on a cow it would still be too cruel....to think that women were nothing more than....than...cows or pigs. Girls who had this performed on them were to please their future husbands and to offer the security of their wives not 'sleeping around'. But may I ask has we, women, ever thought of doing such a thing to men to prevent them from 'sleeping around'? NO. This practise often results in women having major problems in child birth, recurrent bladder and urinary tract infections, cysts, infertility and not to mention the physiological and psychological pain and suffering that they have to go through for the rest of their lives.

Today is the start of a long weekend for Thanksgiving Day. Everywhere around Canada and the states, family are gathering and laughing and joking, catching up on how their loved ones (or not) are doing. Cutting into turkeys and playing with children......whatever they do..Coz I never celebrated Thanksgving before back home. My mom said we did when we lived in Canada, but that was such a long time ago..... Today, the lecture halls are half empty as people have olredi boarded buses or trains to go back home to see their parents, friends, family and dog for a joyeus reunion. Its on these days that I terribly miss my family too. Eventhough I've never celebrated it,but I would like to as well. I hate this feeling. A feeling of being left behind. I wanted to study but hey, see where I ended up at? Writing this 'love letter' to you Yamapi? Why did you decide to leave NEWS?? I'm truly sad. Very SAd and lonely. ='(

Surprise....

2011-09-27T21:04:00.002-04:00

I've actually found a guy who would rather think about physics than to find someone to date and to love, to give and sacrifice for.........well I guess its different for guys. As for me, I have ALWAYS been thinking of finding that certain guy who would make my pulse quicken, my heart flutter, my throat dry, my mind woozy, my mind full of him and wishing with every fibre of my body that I can see him again...and Praying and wishing that he feels the same way towards me too. But alas, men and women are programmed differently........
I've decided somehow to not to give my heart away so easily anymore. I've frozen my heart. I can't feel anymore. I've stopped myself from loving someone ever again. But how i miss that feeling. A feeling of bliss whenever I'm with him. Peace and happiness as we quarrelled over something stupid and how he understands me without me saying anything. I miss you. my dear polar bear. I miss you so much. I can't believe that I still harbour feelings for you after half a decade has passed by. I still like you and I miss being with you. IN all the ways that you make me irk, there are just as many that makes me smile and feel all fuzzy and warm inside. I wonder if anyone would ever love me the way i loved you. If only you had more guts and didn't care that much about appearances and were a bit more useful and more independent and responsible and caring, then ...only then would we make a perfect couple.

I can't stop the flow of tears down my face,
Thinking back in time when we were still young and innocent,
I've never thought that I would feel this way towards you,
How the shadow of your back gave me comfort and support,
How happy I feel when I was with you,
How painful it was being with you and not able to say what was in my heart,
All the times we were together,
We've always had this bubble around us that no one else could penetrate,
I felt special to you, and you to me, in a way I thought that you liked me,
After all you were the one who told me so at first,
You completely caught me off guard,
I know its stupid to still think of these times,
But it was these times that I felt I was alive,
You made me feel alive, polar bear,
I miss you, I love you and I hate you too for making me feel this way.
But alas, I've prepared myself for the moment,
the moment when you said that everything was just a prank.
How can I forget you. How can I forgive myself..when I knew that you've been playing with my heart all along and I've already forgiven you.

Core of my heart.........

2011-09-27T20:43:00.002-04:00

Dearest Yamapi,

The core of my heart.........feels like a dark, deep, gloomy enchanted forest......with roots and trees so twisted and entangled with rage, frustration, desolate and sullenness. I hate this......this........all this frustration in my heart, its clouding up my mind, tugging at my heart and
making me into a living, breathing monster..or rather ....a devoid dark space that only contained all the negative feelings that one could possess. I hate this....I hate this so much..I want to break out of it. I need someone or something to shed a shred of light into this dense forest of a heart of mine.....I don't want it to continue and soak in all the heavy negative mist that is hanging over the air.....its suffocating and ugly. With all the series of unfortunate events happening to me......I just can't stand it anymore...I HATE all THOSE WHO STAND IN MY WAY AND make ME FEEL THIS WAY.......FREaking CuRSE ALL these idiots that make my life so hard. FUck them all.....freaking idiots. Whats the meaning of all this....it doesnt let me gain anything out of this. I mean its not like some japanese series that a newbie is bullied by the superior, gets all this shit thrown at her, she tries all her might to overcome them, in the process wins the heart of some super cute guy and overcomes all obstacles and then in the end became the best in the company or field that she's in. Its different...ALL these freaking things that happen to me are random...they ave no basis. First it was the freaking internet problem, then i lost my pencil case, then now its the freaking premium bank account that had me clawing my hair off.Freaking idiots.......even sayong FUCK YOU x 10^6 is not enough....It doesnt even compensate me for all my efforts all the freaking money i've spent on getting them done and EUURRRGGGHHHHH i HATE this......I Need to scream at shout at something...AT THE SEA ...AT THE SKY>>> I NEED TO SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT...IM SO FRUSTRATED BY THIS ALREADY.....................

Music...

2011-09-18T06:40:00.004-04:00

Dearest Yamapi,

They say one can only feel the emotions in a song when one is suffering....thats very true. As I sat in front of my computer on my birthday morning from 5.30 am onwards waiting for my family to call......i feel the loneliness and the sadness. A feeling i've havent felt and for once I can feel the music again. Was I really suffering that much back then? Coz I use to feel the music strongly. Only nowadays....once I've moved to Canada that I've lost the feel for the music...and only indulged in club music that didnt really hold any meaning or feeling esp to (get a girl) for guys or to get down..or something.....everything is just about getting laid.....haizzz oh well.My frens wanted to celebrate my bday yesterday night but i was too tired to open the door for them. I kinda feel bad about that. But hey, I've been steaming kuih lapis for 6 hours the whole day and then went to the Welcome party that MASSA held. There were a surprisingly good turn-up of ppl. and A LOT more guys than girls!! lol its the first time i saw that lol! Hahahaha! well thats a good thing? I guess. lol IM REALLY HAPPY that my sister sent me this HAPPY BIRTHDAY Song by NeWs. =D oh well time to study ..have a freaking quiz tomoro on the physics of physiology. I think im getting sick....:( better hold on.... Coz its getting SO FREAKING COLD >.>!!!

Start of a new term.....HOORAY and .....T.T

2011-09-09T21:15:00.007-04:00

Hello there! Yamapi!

My sister asked me once...what if Yamapi saw this blog of yours...what would he think? Most probably some crazy over-obssesed fan-girl who writes all her love letters on a blog..C.R.E.E.P.Y. But hey, I'm not THAT creepy hahahahaha...no seriously. ok so going back to my old boring school life...hhhmmmm well its not THAT boring. It just lack the flavor of spice and suspense that most novels offer. I mean hey come on...who would have a life that is THAT interesting? Well certainly not all of us. I'm still waiting for my life to begin! =D But most probably olredi is...sad isnt it? I've always wanted to go on an adventure or something but life just doesnt work out that way....WE have to work from dawn to dusk, from young to old. Wasting away our youth and grow old and leathery and iiiiieeeeewwwww. Dont even want to picture it...I wanna be in a world like Fairy Tail or Bleach or Pokemon (ok admit it all used-to-be pokemon fans...didnt'/don't you?) Well I have to confess that I was hooked on to Pokemon recently and I was watching Episode 1 of SEason 1 when Ash got Pikachu!! I was almost crying....T.T NOW THATS what im talking about!!! QUALITY ...now the pokemon white series...SUCKS BALLS. Tho the game is quite fun....(yes i play the game, but i stopped when school began) I LOVE MY SAMUROTT!! I think its SO handsome!! I would like to be reborn as a female samurott if thats possible!! WAIT FOR ME my handsome future-hubby!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ahem ahem....ok back to reality..........

I like my Anatomy prof!! He is a funny guy and that makes the classes SUPER interesting. Yesterday we had our first lab. It was situated in the Strathcona Dentistry building (I apologize to all readers who arent in McGill since you wouldnt have a clue where this is) Well to paint a picture of the building for you...it looks like those old medieval castle corridoors. There are busts of famous doctors/dentists who have done deed in their glory days. THe lecture rooms have deep red, soft plushy chairs. THe walls are constructed with deep mahogony and the lights have a yellowish tinge. Nice place for a suspense movie!! wohhooo!
oh right back to the lab...when we first entered....we were all SHOCKED!! Coz in front of us stood rows of dead bodies...yes..dead bodies covered in green cloth...THEY ARE CADABRAzz~!!!! for medicine students to operate on!!! OMFG....at that moment i felt a rush of adrenaline!! YES thats what I want to do!! BE MEDICAL STUDENTS wohhooo! My hands ae icthing to pull of the overs but then again when I saw their feet..I feel a wave a nausea hit me. too soon ...Grace ...keep yourself together. But to most of our dismay, we wont be touching those bodies...oh drats.
And in other news....I LOVE my PHGY 314 prof!! She's so proper and has a easy to listen to voice. And everytime when she is trying to explain something difficult she would offer this apologic smile that lights up her whole face ...hahaha i like her.
I dont really like my BIOC prof tho.......she was being bitchy to me today...i was shocked..i was asking a question about muscles and AMPK then she said did you get my slides, I thought she asked if I understood her slides so i said No rather quickly and she said well, if you got them then you would understand coz there are diagrams in there...see?(smile) Then I was thinking WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE THEN? FOR YOU TO TELL ME IF I GOT UR SLIDES? OBVIOUSLY ITS BECOZ I DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHATS ON HER SLIDES.......OMFG .but oh well profs are ppl too and not ALL of them are nice like me. lol jk jk

PS: AND I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY THAT I GET TO GO BACK TO BRUNEI THIS CHRISTMAS!! HAHAHAHHAHAHA

FUCK THEM ALLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-07-23T21:53:00.004-04:00

FUCK THEM ALLL!!!!!!!!!!!

Dearest Yamapi!!

Ok. Its not that I am as angry as the title seem but then again its just a bunch of pent up emotions. How I hate it when I am talking with a bunch of frens and there's just this one person who doesn't make eye contact with me when she is talking. What the hell does that mean ha? Am I not significant enough? Or do you not like me? THEN GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE! Why are you still staying here huh? Oh right, You're too poor to afford looking for a new place or getting decent food for yourself and you have your freaking classes to attend to and my house is at the strategically perfect place (on campus, 15 minutes away from school). And you can never agree with the things I do and the things I say or the things I like and dislike....WTF GO FUCK YOUR SELF YOU STUPID BITCH. Damn I don't like her at all. And she thinks she is SO ~ SMART. SMART MY ASS LA. Just to show off and get attention la. YES I AM ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT LIFE SO WHAT? I LIKE WHAT I AM DOING SO CAN'T YOU JUST AGREE WITH ME AND BITCH ALONG TOO? NO~ YOU JUST HAVE TO SHOW THAT YOU'RE SUPERIOR BY SHOOTING ALL MY OPINIONS DOWN, AND MAKE ME FEEL EXCLUDED IN A CONVERSATION. Well, let me tell you something, you just made an enemy out of me. and you can go fuck yourself and your fat ass. I hated you the moment you said :" You're so asian" when I was covering my mouth and nose from cigarette smoke. WEll excuse me from wanting to preventing myself from extracting lung cancer. I do sincerely apologize for shutting out all harmful substances from gaining more access into my body and cause mutatons in my biological pathways and cause cancer.

Coming out of the closet?

2011-06-21T13:43:00.004-04:00

Dearest Yamapi,

It might have been happening for a while now and I have always suspected myself as one of those girls. And people around me has noticed it as well...some sharper than others but I guess even the dumbest of them all should have saw through me by now. But as long as I don't acknowledge it, it wouldn't be true. This part of me that I hate. This part of me that always causes me to feel ashamed of myself. The need to hide the truth from other people even the closest to me. Sometimes I feel like this part of me is faulty. Maybe I am missing an important component to the essential programming of my hormones or brains as to what is attractive and what is not. Its sad that this should happen, I mean, if they didn't exist then my life would have been a LOT more easier. Or should I say that I am not the one who is wrong here. Seeing as it is them who has denied the true calling of nature. I don't know why this is happening to me. But I guess there's a different beauty for everyone. And I might have to wait until I meet him...the real him.

Omoi dashita~

2010-12-11T18:39:00.002-05:00

Dearest Yamapi,

I think there's no one in the universe who can waste time like i do...especially when time is short...I have two exams coming up and i spent the whole afternoon reading manga.......im so schrewed............

I miss Brunei, miss my Family..............
Im becoming a zombie now...........studying day and night.........
Skyped with my family just now, and
remember something....when i had a medical check-up in Kuching a heart scan.........X-ray and ECG..........i have chest pains sometimes and i suspected that i was becoz last time i slipped in the bath tub and fell hitting my chest on the bathtub side....ouch...yea..so anyways when the X-ray films have developed and ready fr analysing...the doctor said quite happily that nothing's wrong with my heart...in fact i have a very healthy and beautiful heart........I cant help but think that he didnt only mean my heart....but also what else that can be seen on the film.............................
(hint:any girl who did a chest X-ray b4 would know.........)

And also i dont hate my roomy that much anymore...just yesterday when i said i was tired and dropped onto bed to sleep..she actually turned off the lights b4 she left the room to go to a birthday party.................

Kareshi ga hoshii..........ima samishii.......................

What I am learning now:

2010-11-06T15:53:00.003-04:00

The Suprachiasmatic Nucleus located just above the optic chiasm functions as part of our Biological Clock!!!! Cool!!

Growing UP II

2010-11-06T15:18:00.002-04:00

Dearest Yamapi,

You might say...awwh GRace its ok ....Cest' la vie~~ You'll be ok in no time....
Then I'll tell you...no...I wont be ok...I NEED to toughen up...I need to be MEan and Bitchy and be able to protect myself from being a vicim to "taken advantaged of by my so called frens and roommate..(URRGGG I HATE HER NOW)

WEll, let me tell you my two recent stories that further strenghtened by lesson "DO NOT BE NICE"

Story one:
Last night, I went to a club, La Musique for a Traffic Light Party. I went with Lynn, Nano and Selina. Yea..all gurls ...im so sad. Ok the dancing and the club is ok...if not TRMEndously BORING.......there werent ANY hot / cute asian guys around ...i was SO disappointed ...anyways..i pulled thru quite well....had two vodka drinks (free) and when we were leaving at around 1.30am..i met Shivani (THe birthday gurl) standing outside with Jessye and Chris and her crazy friend Senina(im not sure how to spell her name but i LOVe her!!) and i stopped by to chat. When i turned around the girls are GONE!!!! THEY LEFT WITHOUT ME!!!.................that concludes my story.............

Story two:

We all know that the stupid HArry PoTTEr 7 movie would be on cinemas on the 19 of november here in Montreal. But REz had a way of getting 20 tickets for each floor to watch the stupid movie on the 18. Ok. MY current roommate(Jane) is terribly excited about this. So she went to buy the tickets just a while ago...and was practically jumping in joy and screaming over my good-natured questions on where is she gonna watch the movie? ok. I forgive her due to her LOVE for HP. then she turned around and i could almost see the gears turning in her brain and then a light bulb lighted on her head...and she said : " GRace! You should buy a ticket too" Even if you're not going. Then you could sell it to someone else....oh wait! You could sell it to Hannah(her friend)!" and im like O.o "wwat?" And she kept on going...."Why? Aren't hannah your friend too? You talk to her right?" I gave her a skeptical look and said :"No....she is your friend" Then she said..."Aww come on gracie.... I know you want to....I'll give you the money and you can buy the tickets for her, how bout that?" and im thinking...if hannah really wants to buy the ticket then why dont she buy it for herself? Why trouble me? she wont even thank me for it and she'll be having fun..not me..and i have to go buy the ticket? So, I said:"No" But she kept going on....asking me to buy it so i stood up when to buy the ticket just to shut her up..........I hate myself now, i feel like a loser being manipulated and used by my roommate who doesnt give a damn about how i feel or my rights.....

Growing UP part I

2010-11-06T14:51:00.006-04:00

Dearest Yamapi,

I think growing up is a hard and complicated process. There are so much more that I need to learn, so much more stuff that I need to know, I need to be good at in order to survive and strive in the society I am living in.

Due to the tremendous demands on future medical students (all rounded in academics, sports, volunteering, work experience , outstanding social status, outstanding persona) ....I find that most undergraduate-med-student-wannabes here are all too competitive, conceited and generally not friendly and nice. They want future doctors to SUPER smart, fawned by the public and practically he/she meet and idolized by everyone in terms of their outstanding intelligence and knowledge and money-making capability....................that is such a sad phase of life........ indeed what Prof Tsantrizos (my organic chemistry prof)quoted "The most poisonous substance known to man is not any chemical but the human heart" is true.

Human hearts stained and tainted by greed, pursue of power and fame, money..........where did all the nice people go? Where are the friendly dentists who give out free toothbrush to kids? Or the Surgeons who perform kidney transplants for a VERY reduced price (My uncle)? Where goes that characteristic, the basis of providing medical care to injured people who are in pain and agony, the urge to help relieve their pain that doctors used to possess?? Where?
Nice ? You say? They are EXTINCT...being "nice" would NEVER get you ANYWHERE ...that's the harsh and cruel truth that I have to learn over and over again in my life....why? because I AM NICE...I am nice to everyone who I consider a Friend but who may not necessarily consider me as their friend.......tragic isnt it? Am I gonna BE EXtinct as well?? If I dont toughen up...I might......

Nowadays you go to the hospital with a splitting headache and a terrible cold to see the doctor only to find a person in white coat sitting opposite you looking more temperamental than you are and hey....you swallow down all your complaints and feebily mumbled something like "ah...its just a teeny little headache and sniffe, I'll be ok in a jiffy....sorry to disturb your impossibly jammed day". Then, you'll walk out of the hospital feeling luckier and better than that pratictioner whose main purpose is to help sick people but are themself in worse condition than any of us..........

Things i learned in Canada, Montreal

2010-10-10T23:07:00.003-04:00

Things i learned in Canada Montreal,

-They dont sell graph paper with 1mm squares.
-No one cares if you are gay, les or straight.
-No one cares how you dress.
-Deskjet Printers suck.
-Highlighter pens do not make good haircurlers.
-Dollarama ROCKS.
-McGill Libraries are open until 2 in the morning...and there are actually still ppl studying there.
-You may be watched by someone....anywhere, anytime...

-Its not safe for gurls who are 18 and above to walk alone.....you stand out like a sore thumb in a sea of couples.

-Gurls need to have a bf or at least a guy fren to wak with...but then again..you can trust nobody in this world.

-There's someone who looks like Adam Lambert in my rez...except Adam looks better.

-Korean dudes are cool but not for me. Too many Chinese guys are either nerdy or gay. I dont know who is left for poor gurls like me......
-Burly, muscular guys could be gay as well....
-Cold wind makes my ears ache......
-I simply LOVE SHOPPING...
-I need to go to sleep now.......
-Honey coloured eyes are real in this world.I have a friend who has honey coloured eyes, except that he is not a vampire.....

Konbanwa....Canada kara.....

2010-10-10T22:57:00.002-04:00

Konbanwa Yamapi!! O sashiburi!!!! O genki desu ka? Moo....atashi ok desu!! haha

Haizzzz doshio kana? Ano hito....otanjobi demo atashi dont feel like wishing him at all............
It seems like he is happy that i am not talking to him...at all...
its frustrating
infuriating
painful
and regretful
to have this heart of mine
feeling some lingering
kimochi towards...him....
why does my heart still ache so
when i see him with another gurl
why does god punishes me so to fall for a guy like him
......yamapi...do you know?
I really hope that someday i will find true love and until then i couldnt get him out of my system...it seems that i am tainted............tainted by this love for him......

NOOoooooo!

2010-07-23T05:57:00.001-04:00

Akanishi Jin has actually quited KAT-TUN under Johnny's orders.
Sniff....Snifff....

Wat is KAT-TUN without Jin????!!!! But unfortunately they seem happy to lose him...or not....i dunno!!! WAaaaa!!!!
But then again i cant help but think tat Jin going to L.A solo is quite coincedential to me going to Canada fr uni..emmm
Maybe we can meet??

I better not mess with the hands of fate......

Poems I wrote a few Years back :

2010-07-10T22:25:00.002-04:00

Betrayal and Agony

Hot, salty tears,
Migled with anger and confusion,
Snaked down my face.

I'm sick of being polite,
I'm sick of being the light,
Always shining but hollow inside,

Sick of being invisible,
It feels so horrible, to be solid yet unnoticeable,

By the very people you call friends,
But yet their demands never meet an end.

Notes: Ahhhhh I miss those emo days in Chung Hua K.B. Those crazy rainy days when we have to go to school to plan school events and when no one is in the mood to work and the time is running out. And no one gives shit to what i say. Oh well life is cruel.

Wish on a Star

Sometimes,
I just wish,
That you could sit silently by my side,
Under the cool moon,
while we gaze at the shining stars.

Its hard to forget
something that's hard to remember,
It exists only as a pain in my heart,
A longing which I could never ulfill.

Just by feeling your presence beside me is enough,
Under the cool moon and shining stars.

My heart wishing that this day will be eternal,
You are just like the stars twinkling above us,
Bright and Beautiful,
But hard to reach.

Notes: I was thinking of Graduation night when i wrote this.

My J-pop LOVE back on track~~~

2010-07-03T11:51:00.003-04:00

Akanishi Jin would be going back to Japan and rejoining KAT-TUN in October !!! YEA

He's currently in L.A doing a solo concert. >.<

And KAT_TUN looks more cooperative than EVER!!

Jin and Kame is ACTUAALYY talking to each otheer on the recent RESCUE Concert.!!

YEAY!!! Ureshii yo~~

ne~~ Yamapi u're missing in ActioN wat have u been doing these past few months??

ne~ Yamapi have u ever heard of the song "What Becomes of The Broken Hearted" by Jimmy Ruffin...keeps playing in my head and heart.

JA BAtch Reunion

2010-07-01T12:04:00.002-04:00

Today the Jan Batch had a reunion!!!!!

We watched "Knight and Day". Tom Cruise still look mesmerising....but Cameroon Diaz needs a make over...to much crowfeet...

I could say my dreams and wishes came true....one made me feel happy...another is more like a revelation.......=)..ne~~

If u ask Kathy you would know Yamapi.........wat i mean..

I would never forget him and his hug. I kinda hoped tat he will hug me like he is hugging someone he really cares for....but then again we can never ask too much.
Against my consense......i wanted my lipgloss stain to stay on his shirt...so that he'll rmb me always....as the gurl who like him b4 with all her heart. The gurl who let him trample on her pride and yet still let him be her fren.....The gurl who i call me.

Done and DUsted......but not so...

2010-06-20T23:58:00.004-04:00

Its too late to apologize. Wats been said is said, wats been done is gone. Wats left is an empty heart that craves for a new filling. A filling that could offer comfort, warmth and happiness...People say time heals the broken heart....but how long do i need?

How long does it take for me to forget u?

How long would be until its ok to read love stories and not cry suddenly all because u fill the same as the portrayed character.......having a painful unrequited love?

How much time do i need before the scar is healed, and i can tell my story without crying my eyes out of self pity but laughing my head off at my own silliness...??

How come in the stories when the main characters are being treated wrongly would get justice in the end.....the person she/he loves would finally realise how wrong they were to treat someone like tat and start to love the other person....?

Its unsettling...and sad....
YaMaPI chan.....help me out.......T.T

and yes....Gerry Stergiopoulos ....

Im going to heed ur advices and GET ME A REAL MAN!!!!!

PSST Gurls I recommend this book for u its GOOD!!!!! haha

I know he's a gay guy but doesnt tat just adds flavour?? ;)

PHew~~~~

2010-06-18T08:25:00.002-04:00

Dearest Yama-Pi,

Ogenki desu ka? I havent used Japanese in such a long time.....Kinda miss it....
time passes by SO Quickly.....Its SCAry really....But somehow i look forward to it...the blossoming of my life, like a flower but i dont know what flower I would become......

Stayed over in MIri kazoku to over the weekenD. IT WAS FABULOUS!!! HAd a swim in the pool...made me tann....had photos taken...some of them are REALLY nice!! hahaha Coz my dad's trying to compile photos for my grandma in Canada to see..........pictures that show the years of Me + my sister growing up tat she missed..not that she would anyways...but Im deinately sure that she missed her son. =) Im being mean here....soorrry ....but its the truth...well....things may have changed after 13 years of seperation. I really do hope so....mom always exaggerate things anyway...or does she?
I'll never know until Im there with them in CAnada.

THE BIG C

2010-05-25T06:56:00.003-04:00

Dearest Yamapi,

There are several things that one should never tell your mother.
No.1 THe Big 'C'.

Haizzzz why do I always end up telling her eveything that I did, including bad or naughty things??? T.T Im TOO honest for my own sake.
When I told her abt the big 'C', she almost fainted (exaggerating) just like last time when Jonathan Sia offered to send me home after a tiring day at the padang. (I was in Form 2 and he is Ting's bf at that time) Haizzzz.......what can i say? but pure stupidity to myself?

To other NEWS,

WE HAD A PIZZA PARTY TODAY AT SCHOOL!!! MUAhahahahahah!!! It was a reali cool and fun day at school! WE ordered from Pizza Hut and played cards and dare(generated from mira's PSP) hahahaha

AND AZIMAH is wonder woman!!! she DROVE to school with a cast on her left leg!!! SO AMAZING! and she only got her license two weeks ago! hahah but she's not so good at reversing the car so Rif got in to help her reverse and man.....he's a better driver than I am!!!! (he's a year younger than me) WAAAA!!!!! I was sitting on the front passenger seat by the way
.
Chris's poledance was epic~~~!!!! ;)

and Rif confessed!!! hahahahahahhaha well, I wish all the luck for him!! when the time came, he asked me to get mira away. I tried to but tat gurl is so KY!!! AAAARRRRGGGGG I tried to tell her to give the guy and Yau some privacy but no.. she had to run back to yau...Sceaming "YAU......!!!!!!" All the way.(In front of the library)

Haizzzz then suddenly shin mei the savior came and pulled mira away saying the obvious as its the only thing tat can get to her.....(shakes head)

U know....recently I started to feel that my dad doesnt like me....i know its stupid or ungrateful fr saying that but i just cant help it. When I asked my sister if she noticed tat nowadays dad is reali impatient when he brings us out to buy some grogeries. she said "no" with a reali surpirised look on her face. well, tat figures cause my sister is my dad's precious daughter. ( He loves her more than me, yea i admit it....im jealous as hell...) My dad's just reali distant more so nowadays I wonder why, when I tried to talk, he stays silent or only give a few comments. The only time when he would talk at length is when we are on the topic of "STUDIES" or "UNIVERSITY APPLICATION" its like a damn program or stg....cyborg with no compasssion..Im so sad and lost. I dunno wat to believe anymore.
PS: the B started a convo on msn himself.....its the first time in history ( Today must me my LUCKY or UNLUCKY day)

How many times can my heart break??

2010-05-22T13:08:00.002-04:00

Dearest Yamapi,

I wonder how does ugly ppl ever find the destined person who loves them and cherishes them more than anything in the world??
Is such a love possible anyways in reality? Could they even hope or dream to meet someone like tat?? A love like in fushigi Yuugi or Inuyasha?? A love that can surpass time and grows stronger every passing moment every passing day......

Haizz god....help me, give me strength, give me faith to pull through coz i cant stand it anymore.....not being loved by someone......only being told by guys how they like other gurls I know, my frens or best frens in some cases....Im so sick of tat, so tired.....so sad, so heartbroken...

2 confessions, 2 rejections
1 that gave me flutters to my heart b4 i realised his true motives. in 18 months..... Men....they are more despicable than women. Hurting feelings of innocent gurls.......sniff sniff....

please, i plea.....please...... freeze this heart of mine. Let it be cold and emotionless until my destined person comes along to melt it...and set it beating again...with every beat, every breath, every thought to be for him and his for mine.......oh god....please hear my prayers...for i am heartbroken and depressed now. But i think this is physically and emotionally impossible because I am a person who thinks with my heart.....I tend to use my heart to feel and judge things....at the same time putting my heart out, exposing it to the cold harsh world....exposing my feelings to other ppl.

Im really tired now but i just have to tell you this Yamapi coz ur the only fren who would listen and not judge me by wat I am saying.

Its almost 1.30am now....

A levels exams in two weeks time.
Listening to :Bad Boys ( Alexandra Burke )
Break your Heart (Taio Cruz feat Ludacris)

Sad Sad Year 13 life

2010-04-23T06:41:00.004-04:00

Dearest YAmapi,

I find myself heartbroken and extremely stupid.....but then again I was able to let go of the heavy bundle of emotions in my heart....to hell with him....Go on and keep on flirting...I dont give a damn anymore...Im gonna find myself a real man...not a gay, metrosexual guy like u!!!! GGGGRRRRRRRR Cant believe that I actually liked the guy...guess i was too desperade....haizzzz

Recently i find myself singing "You Cant Hurry Love" by Diana Ross and The Supremes.

Azimah and Arif made a bet that I would find a boy fren in a year's time. If they win, I wont 50 pounds to each of them!!! HAHA then Rif and I bet that Azimah will get boy fren in less 3 months, since she was first one to get boy fren when we first entered JIS last year.... Last year was a good year..... so many couples.... ah when love was ONCE in the air. haha

NOw....everyone is so tired of studying...(well, maybe just me) only some crazy ppl like Shin Mei and Ateef still keeps getting good grades.

I got B for Biology
D for Chemistry
B for Maths
C for Physics.....

I feel so SAD!!!WAAAA!!!!
I swear that Im not going to lose...I 'll beat you!!!!!!!

hehehehehe recently, I've developed a slight liking....to some cute guys around JIS...1.Waqas. I heard from Marmar that he is very rude and full of himself, popular guy....blah blah and he wants to be a football player but is forced by his dad to study and get good grades...apparently he was accepted by McGill University as well. He looks like a cool Iranian football star...hehe

Wat caught my attention was....once during P.E, we had to do this Multi-sports event where jan + aug students were mixed together and split into two big teams.
Each on opposites sides to one another of the gym. The teacher would blow the whistle and shout out a number, then the shouted number of students must run to the other side of the gym and pick up watever ball is thrown in to the middle of the gym and start playing... Once my team was playing hockey (with me in it) against Wagas and his team....I 'intentionally' collided into him to prevent him from scoring a goal. I expected him to shout "What the FUCK are u Up to Bitch???!!" But instead he said;" Are you ok?" with a very caring face. WoW ....KYAAAAaaaaaaa so cool!!!! Kakkoiii hahahah!!! crazy me....so evil muahahahahahaha!!!!

then there's...Han...as usual hunted down by the numerous Nepalese Girls in the BH. I heard from Nelson that they even have a ranking for the most handsome boys in the BH like Han is number one and someone else is some number...haha so funny.

I had a special episode with him as well....last year when I forst entered JIS. One after school day, I was walking back alone then I heard Edmund Chin calling me from behind, asking me to slow down. Then I turned around and saw Edmund and Han walking together ( they are very good frens).
Edmund offered to hold my files. and we started walking together. Then Han said to me : " Wo Ai Ni"(Kyaaa so cute) and I replied " Sarang Haeo" to him.

heheh I bet if he did that to one of those Nepalese Girls, They would FAINT!!! And Han is the same age as my sister....younger than me yes....I feel like a paedophile.

Talking about being a paedophile....I find Nicky' brother very cute as well!!! He looks so stylish....like a model or an artist...with slightly upturned lips, big lazy brown eyes and long eyelashes......slightly olive skin but still fair and soft curly hair!!!!And he's slim and tall....like almost as tall as me and he's only emmm 13 years old??? KYYYAAAAAAAA hehhe Apparently, he like gundam robots and watever it is....coz i found his phone on the canteen floor once and returned to him. But Nicky treats him really bad.....poor boy if he's my brother I would spoil him with love !! HAHA

PS. Omg....I think i just met an internet con person on line just now..and mistook me for Yamapi and asked if I have a web cam..SCAry!!!

Broken hearts~~~

2010-02-26T21:59:00.003-05:00

What becomes of the broken hearted.......

Loveless~~ by Yamashita Tomohisa....

Dedicated to Yamapi~~

2010-02-26T03:02:00.003-05:00

(TREASURE by Fahrenheit)

O.o...OMG....No~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fahrenheit is singing Japanese songs.....EVERYONE is singing Japanese songs.....as always...Wu Chun sings out of tune.......seriously this is horrible......>.<

Speaking of failing groups Johnny's Entertainment.....HEY SAY JUMP sucks!!!
(sorry mira...but they really do)

They just couldnt live up to their senpai's name!!!!
SMAP, Arashi, NeWs, Tackey and Tsubasa, KAt-TUN!!! They are aLLL AWESOME!!!!!
I Hate Ryosuke too much to like HEY SAY JUMP......and chinen is getting less cute by the day.....

The latest MV by Kanjani8 is SMASHING!! Kichu!!!

Yo!!! Yamapi!!!!

2010-02-26T02:10:00.006-05:00

Dearest Yamapi,

I swear im gonna find a blog skin with you on it.........

Nowadays.....you look very different yamapi.

U're eyes show something that I couldnt decipher....something dark....kowai yo.....

MY right eye is red.....and i can see a ring of green around my pupil and a little ring of white outside it.....I dont know if tats normal or not............My eyes feel strained and tired......REading about so many people getting eye cancer isnt doing any good to my nerves.......WAAA!!!!.sniff sniff

Anyways, random updates:

~haha!! I went on youtube and saw that there's even japanese translated Taylor Swift songs....cool!!!

~Nowadays, I find myself downloading korean songs.......and well....korean-sang japanese songs coz they're MVs are so cool!!! dont let my sister know...or else she'll never speak to me again in another millenia......(Koe wo Kikasete by Big Bang)

~Tho I try but i could never finish listening to a complete song sang by Michael Jackson....I could only listen to the chorus part....It's so catchy!!!!

~I just downloaded "Fall in LOve" by Thelma Aoyama feat BiG BanG.

~Studying A levels seem to have blunted my ability to connect sentences....damn.. i have BGIC opening speech to prepare for .... I need my writing skills to stay..!!!! Dont run away from me!!

~Went to Asohraya Driving school to complain about my 'sickly' teacher....she always seems to be 'sick' whenever its my lesson time and when she calls her voice sound more happy than sick to me.....

so Im gonna start the lessons with another tcher on 13 march...oh..joy....ITS BEEN DELAYED FOR SO LONG!!!! I FEEL LIKE KILLING HER NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even suh yi got her driving license olredi

and she only just turned 18 last december......3 months after my birthday......GGGGGRRRR RAWRRRRR......
~ Today's a holiday....:)

Should I or Should I not.......

2010-02-20T09:02:00.003-05:00

Dearest Yamapi,

They say time can heal...but my heart is still broken....
seeing him everyday just keeps re-opening the wound on my heart......
Its hopeless....i cant surpress the feelings that I have for him...
I think that I should tell him...but what use is tat?

What exactly could I get from doing that??
Me feeling relieved tat he finally knows the secret i've kept for so long.....
or me stripped of my pride.
..and being ridiculed at as revenge for the 'rejection' last time i imposed on him?.........

I didnt reject him.......those words just blurted out of my mouth....
I never had anyone confessing to me.....NEVER...
I was ugly and FAT. The last guy i had a crush on didnt even knew tat i existed.......

What shld i do yamapi???? Telll me.....Im confused........
I still care about him.....somehow...maybe not as deeply as b4...
.but his sadness still radiate thru and hit my heart like waves,
drowning all my intension of being oblivious to eveything abt him.....

He still talks to me tho...at times...he would come over,
sit down and talk to me....tats all i want from him...his company..
.Im content with tat, with spending my time with him...but sometimes..
.i just feel tat he likes to make me sad and break my heart, my pride in every way...
........I want to tell him how i feel but im afraid of being hurt.....
...im afraid of facing his eyes and cringe under his hatred..............
....wat shld i do?? Some one help me out.....

xcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxccxcxcxccxcxcxcxccxcxcxcxcxcxcxccxcxccxcxcxcxccxcxcx

And there's a VERY annoying stalker.............
..wat shld i do to shake him off..
ying said tat I shld just return those goddamn flowers back to him........
nothing received, nothing to give....capish....

2moro is mira's birthday....Time passes by so quickly............

I feel like the only way of solving this problem is to get a boyfren...
and then tat go forsaken STALKER would evaporate....
well i hope tat he'll be capable of doing that given tat he has so much extra body mass.....EURRGGGG

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR + VALENTINE'S DAY

2010-02-13T12:06:00.002-05:00

Dearest Yamapi,

This year's valentine is filled with sorrow and pain. Breakups and deaths hung over the two happy days like shadows........

Im getting tired of being a councellor all the time.....I dont mind listening to people talk one in a while but PLEASE do not go to my room, sit on my bed aand just start talking as if im a bartender or stg...I need my space my own private time to STUDY!!!!!!!!! OK???

Mundokshai.............so annoying............ppl who dont get it....thinking tat they are the ONLY ones who have problems???? As if I dont have ENUF to handle??

Haizzzz God give me strength an wisdom to pull thru this year, to live thru these days..............

Well at least !!! Im happy its CNY. I had my first driving lesson today!!! Yea!! I know how to reverse the car now haha!!!!! and we're supposed to learn to drive manual cars.....x.x

Grown older.......

2010-01-30T04:42:00.002-05:00

Dearest Yamapi,

Its only been a matter of a few months time but it feels like 5 years have just past by. So much have happened....relationships changed. Perspectives and feelings changed or evolved?? Frenships formed and broken............feelings good at first but changed bad.............feeling proud and happy.......but tired and sick of my life after that......I feel so tired so wasted....too much thinking, learning, jostling of my brains and muscles...I need a break....a rest from everything...

These days I just cant keep myself away from the burning ache in my throat(my form of anger) nor could I stop the tears from falling. Even if he didnt reali say something bad...I still found myself crying while reading the msg...everything has changed I feel that I should stand on his side.......but he is doing stuff that is exactly repelling me from him...or is it her fault???

I know I didnt want to, couldnt, shouldn't but still did say that she is a VERY good actress..

Why is she doing this to me? Is it because she harbours feelings for him and hates it bcoz I am close to him?? Or is it bcoz she is keeeping a secret about me from me?? Or is it that she has gotten tired of being my best fren??? Why...!!!??? Why......I feel so heartbroken...... I think I lost a fren and I dont know y......and maybe he knows y........

LIP -SYNC is up next!!! on 11 March.... Lets just say we're going gaga....

A New Year to come~~~

2009-12-28T09:28:00.002-05:00

Dearest Yamapi,

Ogenki desu ka? Gomen na~~~ I was to busy with facebook that i forgotten to write to u in SUCH a long time olredi... hehehehe......

Well, Wat can i say??? I GOTTEN DARKER!!!!!!! I mean my skin tone....but its for a good cause!!! I went K.K with family this holiday 17 Dec to 22 Dec. We were planning to go to First Borneo and SHOp TILL WE DROP!!!! (well....at least thats wat me + my sister were planning to go) But the adults wanted to go sightseeing.....so we went to see mountains and seas...... Manukan Island and Mt. K.K. The only thing enjoyable from tat was the SWIM!!!!

I swam in the ocean with fish!!! Schools of FISH!!!! It was so amazing..... i saw schools of small light blue fish and yellow fish!!! We saw a huge yellow sea cucumber and two smaller ones that are black and prickly...hehe they kept squirting water and my cousins were screaming bcoz they thought those little devils were peeing....HAHA!!!! My aunt swam further out into the ocean...and they saw hordes of colourful fishes!!!!! ANd they even had a free fish spa!!! So nice!! Ah pong.(One of my cousin from Aussie) even saw a stingray!!!! Cool man!!! If only I was POR at swimming.....then i would dare swim out there and enjoy myself....but nevermind!! I still enjoyed myself near the shore!!!!! Man, I never knew that it was so hard to swim in the ocean!!! I mean the waves are so strong that is hard to swim against it!!! hehe

2009 is coming to an end....i feel sad like i havent even started enjoying it...its like i let a lot of my chances at being happy slip away like sand grains held in my hands.........crucial times were givin up to study for my A levels .....I told myself tat i am ready to face the challenge but seemingly im not and i am getting tired.....it may be the holidays now but its only a better way of putting a STUDY LEAVE for us....its very hard for me to concentrate on studyings man!! I mean come on!!! Its christmas...and the new year....Its december....just excuses......but seriously.....its true.....

Sniff....snifff........jin + yamapi has grown up now............become hontou no otoko.............this only makes the gap between us ever further...............strange how can such utsukushi no hito exist in this world......how could someone have so much fans??? "How do they feel??? Being them???....how does it feel to be Yamashita Tomohisa or Akanisho Jin or Matsumoto Jun???" Tats something tat i could never offerr an answer to........

Life Style Metamorphosis.....

2009-10-10T09:24:00.002-04:00

Dearest Yamapi,

Ogenki desu ka???? Im finally back!!! Its been 2 weeks that im away from home... Its so good to be back again!! haha ...Although I have a whole heap of homework to do + responsibility to carry........

Had a facial at Aunt Po po....she's a really nice lady..quiet and gentle.

did Sats the whole morning...so my brains are a bit waterlogged....

wanna sleep now.....

too tired...

Year 13 A new me..

2009-09-12T10:36:00.002-04:00

1. Jan-batch captain
2. Grade 2 Violinist
3. Footballer
4. Basketballer
5. D.O.E candidate
6. Overstressed Student (Student+ Dying = Studying)
7. Senior of school + boarding house
8. Confidante
9. Counsellor
10. Human

Its time to let you go~~~~

2009-09-12T10:09:00.004-04:00

Dearest Yamapi,

Have you ever liked anyone b4??? Have u ever wanted to get to know
somebody so badly....to want to know wat he/she likes to eat, wat
he does a home, wat music does he like listening to, wat he thinks
about when he is daydreaming or lying on the bed trying to fall
asleep, wats his favourite colour, shirt, sock.........

Have u ever wished for him/her to appear in front of u?? Wished
that u could 'accidentally bump into him when ever u round a
corner to the cake shop, when u go to school for an extra class
or dancing lesson, at a party, supermarket, library....anywhere.....

Have u ever imagined being with him/ her day and night...
talking about anything......under the starry night sky.....................................

I did. For years longer than i have realised.........

But i finally realised that I was being a fool all along..
.I was the joker in the kings court, I didnt mind it at all
to make a fool, a laughing stock out of myself just for the
sake of ur happiness....ur smile.....

I was being so kind to you...and so cruel to myself.
Slowly....my pride and confidence was washed away like the
grains of sand on the beach... into a sea of sadness,
confusion and pain...

U have brought me nothing but pain and shame...
.....tears of sadness............
...and countless times ....
a broken soul + heart.

But thank god I have finally realised... that I meant
nothing to u at all....I am just some one you wanted
to spend time with when u r all alone...Im only second best.
But Hell No Im gonna let u treat me like that anymore!!!
Im reborn and moving on with my life now....
Its time to let you go....to erase you from my heart....
this way i would be saving my heart + soul for some one
better who would appreciate me + love me for who i am.
Not treat me like a pet or somekind.
GOOd bye...

I just realised that I am StiLL on the battlefield.....

2009-08-19T01:58:00.002-04:00

Dearest Yamapi-chan,

Osashiburi!! Saikin genki desu ka?

For all these years away from my old chms school, i've never realised how behind i've was standing in the race.I never seriously thought for once that my real adversary was myself..... I had to defeat myself to become a better me......I wasnt happy at all with my 'O' level results; somehow i felt that i could do better.....when i saw tze hung got like 7A1s and 1A2, I was shocked! It was a wake up call for me to start working hard from now on.

from wat i've heard (news from my dad), Bruneians who were awarded scholarships to attend American colleges were given classes from SAT teachers flown-in (imported) from Singapore.! all they have to do is go to class and pay B$400 while the government shoulders the employment fee of B$4000+ for each teachers, not including the accomodation fees, i guess... just for their professional services.!....

How LuCky!!!!

Considering these circumstanes, I who had to prepare to take the exam myself would have to work 3 times harder than them.....!!!!!! T.T

Why? u would ask that I am suddenly talking about these things...well, it seemed like the only thing i talked abt.... its my life....studying....
Anyways, well, it was because i waa awarded the "Anugerah Pelajar Cemerlang Sek-sek/ maktab-maktab kerajaan dan swasta Senegara 2008". Sounds like a mouthful eh??
Well, I got the award, yes, but compared to the other recipients for 'O' levels result, I was the 38th out of 38 o level students..... Kanashii....

So....im still on the battlefield......I was in my comfort zone for too long but i was too ignorant to think so....

Even though i gave everything i had , but i still think that its not enough..
am I stupid? or just too UN-gifted???

Some random pics from boarding house

2009-06-26T10:53:00.003-04:00

RANDOM!!!

The beef pie leftover from lunch (I got this from the cafeteria)...emmm... sounds so appetizing.+ Tea.

Doesn't the grass around the tree look beautiful.!?? It is beautiful and sad too.....

Six months had just fly past me~~~

2009-06-26T10:00:00.004-04:00

Yo Yamapi!!! Sashiburi ne~~~

Just two more weeks left of schooL!! Then comes the long-awaited summer holidays!! It's as long as 7 weeks man!! so long...I think i would rot with boredom in Brunei! Man, living in the Boarding House has changed lot of my perspectives. For one, I learn tat the world can become very complicated if u met the wrong ppl, ppl who are dominated by jealousy, power-seeking intentions, lust.......

Strange...I hate the feeling of losing a friend...to distance myself from my friend for the sake of the person they like....i hate that feeling.. i feel crushed inside, strange and intruding. JUst because he's a guy and i am a girl.

I still cant believe that Michael Jackson has passed away....he will be a legend and immortal in the hearts of many.

I may be taking SATs...sounds hard....make me feel like i dont want to grow up yet... there's research to do abt which uni I am going...Personal statements + essays to write and perfect....Application dates to chase after...chemistry, physics and Biology to study...so much....in less than 18 months...this is the turning point of my life... It's NoW or Never!

Ne~~ just watched KaT-TUN Queen of Pirates Concert DVD!!! Yeap its FINALLy in Malaysia, I hope it would be in Brunei soon....

WANTED..... Kame + Jin!! Muahahahahah!!!!!!!!

Yamapi was the Guest to KAT-TUN's Concert this time!! yeah!!

ComMent des au vont~~~~

2009-04-04T23:28:00.009-04:00

Ok.. I dunno if that's correct. The French Words just poped out of my head. I suddenly had a desire to learn French!!!! Man, I missed learning new languages. If I could I would love to continue learning my Japanese in UBD. Although I just live rite opposite UBD, I still cant go there to attend my lessons... how sad.~ kanashii~~

Damn....I hate it. When I finally convinced my parents to let me wear contacts....i flunked it... I cant wear it. I tried. but hey man, the contacts prescribed for me is for Astigmatism.. so is BIGGER that the normal contact lens. I kept telling my dad that but he just kept saying "Yeah rite...., if u cant wear it don't!" but I feel reali angry and dejected....It's so unfair!!!! I wanna wear a normal contact lens but i cant...... haizzzz thinking about that juz gives me the creeps... my siter was practically freaked out watching me try my best to open my eyelids and stick that lens in. If the radius of the normal cantact lens is 2 cm, the radius for the astigmatism must be 3.o~3.5 or something..

I CANT HELP IT IF I'VE GOT SMALLER EYES THAN EVERYBODY ELSE!!!

Yea!! Ninetales!

I kept thinking about that..... I kept thinking that i shld buy it ad try it at home.....Well , at least my mom's happy... she's practically bouncing on her feet when I said I can't do it..

I'm such a coward..... man, I feel horrible.......snifff.... and to think I was so excited about finally getting rid of my glasses....... I sick and tired of staying behind them and having limited vision all the time... especially when I do sports..... Sh*t.....

but AT LEAST I've found something I like... finally~~!!

I guss I'll Be stuck with Glasses for eternity...........wHY.....Why!!!!!!!!! Study time ..... Nomenclature test tomorrow..

Hontou ni Gomen ne~ Yamapi..All I ever could talk about is unhappy things.....ReGrET..... PaIn... loNeliNesS...Tainted FrienDshipS......... Mutual FreNships..... But I hope things would get better.... I reali do..I'm reading a reali cool book now.. AVATARS,so this is how it ends. Yes I know its another of those end of the world thing but its reali exiting and packed of unexpected twist, and adventures. Omoishiro ne~~~~

In less than two years I'll be leaving this country,

to embark on another journey to find myself,

I'll realli miss him...ano hito that I ever reali liked... but I never told him... as much as I wanted to be his fren.. to get to know him...there's always something holding me back...its just a one sided thing I guess.....its painful being with someone you like but he's oblivious to wat u feel .... worse if he started going out with someone else or never reali liked u or treat u as a fren.but I often wonder .... wat would happen if I confessed my feelings... how would he react?? would he accept me or avoid me like i have bird flu or sonmething(i think the second option is more likely tho).... haizzz u'll never know and would never know...I think i'm becoming an expert at hiding my affection from ppl...well...maybe..but definately not my temper. He's in Katong now!!!! For heaven's sake!!! I'll never have the chance to see him again... much less tell him..... so stupid....totemo baka~... I feel like singing ~ Unbreak My Heart ~ or some sad love song... someone give me a Hug!!

Yea!! Yamapi looks so brotherly haha. Oguri looks squasheD!! How I would love to be that guy nearest to Yamapi!! haha (I think he is Nino)~Kawaii~~

YAY!!!!!!! Meccha HOLIDAY!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-14T03:02:00.003-04:00

Dearest Diary.....................

Yo!! I'm back from JIS!!!! I'm on holiday and so happy!! HEHE

It have been a really tiring week, I fell straight into a deep slumber after I jumped onto my bed yesterday. man, it never feel so nice to just forget everything and sleep my worries and fatigue away.

I almost drowned in the morning during swimming class yesterday. Our PE teacher, Miss Mizuno asked us to swim from the shallow to deep region. Which was why i panicked when i saw the drop into deep blue waters and my legs were beginning to feel sore.. my lungs cannot get enough air!! I feel like giving up but i cant just stop and have someone to pull me out. I'm alone in the pool struggling, heart racing, lungs straining for air and muscles screaming protests at me....

I gave up half way and stopped my freestlyle stride and resorted to the 'dog paddling' to reach the wall. Man, at that moment, I have never hated anything more than swimming. I mean, why would I like to deliberately put my life into danger??
Amira kept saying that I should feel confident and at ease when I'm swimming. But whenever I see that deep drop ... I just freak out!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wont if Im a mermaid!!!

This morning, I watched two movies!!!!! THE Deep End Of THe Ocean Andd STARduSt!!!!!!!!!!1They're SUPERB!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me + my sis boththink that the guy who starred as the brother in the first movie should be EDward Cullen ... instead of that ugly guy in Twilight.

YO People I'm back from the dead!!!

2009-02-14T11:06:00.002-05:00

I've just risen from the grave on Valentine's DAy....... Hai!!! My dearest FRENS + FANS!!!!! Hahahaahaha!!!

I know... It's been so long .... a month and two weeks .. at J.I.S I feel isolated from the rest ofthe world tho. J.I.S. is like a castle, a self-sustainable little community ...a busy community bursting full of interesting activities and people!!!

LAst night was so AweSOMMMEEEE !!!!!XXXX The Baze Nightclub was so cool~~~ But d event was terriby boring tho... We'e trapped in there for 4 hours and blasted by music from all sides. We, the three 12Js felt so out of place, like a fish out of water. We didnt know how to dance and didnt want to b seen sitting there doing nothing. Azimah + me + soong ying sticked together. but sometimes me AND azimah would sneak away to give edmund a chance. hehe~~ (Oh god,he's gonna kill me if he sees my blog.)

We'll there's a REAL idiot in our class who thinks he's the smartest & coolest guy alive on Earth. all My classmates dislike him very much. Its SO HARd to work with him on a school project....he dictates everything. Wen Yii just keeps saying " Shut the fuck up!" to him ... but she might as well have been talking to the wall.

AND...he's in the same RED house as me!!! Last thursday, he costed our chance of victory at the Sprint Maths competition. Well, as always he was doing "a one man show" again. Running to retrieve the quiz papers and doing the questions first before his other team mates have the chance to glimpse at the questions and rushing off to the judges with his answers!!!!!!!!!!! Man, Idislike tat guy. But due to some rotten unknown luck, I seem to always end up in the same group as he... fudge..

Lol Happy Valentines DAy PPl

2008-11-23T01:32:00.003-05:00

There are just somethings u can never tell anyone else except the people who really understands you....

Tis morning I just curled my hair!! ( It's first time i did that. Hehe~~) But i'm not very happy with it... But nevermind, it would look better when my hair grows longer. Coz it looks kinda messy now. It's shorter.

Cher sounds so manly. hehe~She is really superb. Her singles and albums have stayed on top for the past 4 decades!! But i kinda like her songs.

The Backstreet Boys say 'Sadness is beautiful, Loneliness is tragical.' Indeed ,...loneliness is a very bad feeling....although some times it may b a good shelter, or and excuse for us to avoid someone or some things. ~~ Every one in this world is lonely one way or the other.

I'm having a headache now....after the hair steaming...very bad..

EveryBody'S BUSy About the Graduation!!!

2008-11-21T22:18:00.004-05:00

Man, I'm waiting for herng's list!!

I hope Karen wont be mad abt me delaying giving her the list.

And von not replying my msg. Awwhh Mian. I feeL RejEcTed!!!

Hehe~ Juz joking~~

Yea the JIS entrance exam was quite easy.. I hope I could get a scholarship there.... Ano basho wa totemo takai desu..

I finished watching Kurosagi. Man, I hate the ending and why is Yamapi so .... tsumetai?? He's so emotionless.. If I were Maki, I wouldn't know wat to do. Falling in love with this kind of person is so painful..so helplessly painful. U cant do anything to help him.....and he doesnt want anything except revenge.. No love, no happiness , he doesnt want anything. sad ....

LoL where would all of us go, after the graduation? Where would all us be? What does the future hold for us?? Wat kind of person would all of us be?? I wonder....

Most of the time we are busy with our work or partying till we drop .but eitherway, we never have the chance to stop and think about the person we were or the child who we were all those years ago...... Most people would want to forget about those memories but isnt tat the same as erasing a part of us away?....No, we are still the child ....but a more grown -up child.

Yeah!! Reading Vampire Knight 45.. .I think shes losing her touch...copying hana kimi..

2008-11-18T04:51:00.006-05:00

HeRE"S A DEDiCATIoN TO MY FaVOuRITe "FRIEND PAIRS!!"

Friendship necklace!! on 1st of May 08, On the CARTOON KAT-TUN show , Jin was seen wearing the same/ similar necklace as Yamapi.

Another trio of frenship necklaces. (Jin, Yamapi, ShirotaYuu)

Jin & Yamapi seen Shopping Together!! Hai~ Issho ni Ikimasu!!

Jin & Yamapi swimming together in their teen years.

Credits: Yamapi and Jin Mabudachis Group fan at CrunchyRoll

Kimochi ne~~~

2008-11-18T02:45:00.006-05:00

I feel So HAPPY NoW !!!

YEAHH YEAHH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH

YEAH YEAH

The GCE O level Exams are over !!!!!!!!!!

I'm graduating in two weeks time!!! Now, i can do whatever I

like!!!!

Dearest ~~YAmaPi~~ !!

Have u ever experienced such a feeling? Well ~ ...Of course u did..Duh.. But I just wanted to

shout out to te sky that I'm FrEE !!!!!! Hehe, I wish I could learn violin nw tho.

But unfortunately, Kim's Musical doesnt have a violin teacher at the moment. There are so many things that I want !! Including my own laptop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~Last nite's stay over was so fun. Kery & Hui came over, had dinner and watch TV & movie

( with popcorn & chips) until 1.oo am. WE WATCHED THE MIRROR (Latest horror movie) !!! Now, I'm afraid of mirrors!! The storyline was o.k, but the murders were so brutal. Very late, I know. But tat 2 ladies weren't thinking of

retiring yet until 3.00 am. in the morning. Man~ I'll miss those moment we spend

together.~~>.<

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hehe ~ne~ but altho. I love the violin so much ...... I don't know if I have the patience and will to

keep learning it till I master it ....To me All those classic western musician works are so

foreign.... I'm afraid that I wont be able to feel the passion while playing those melodies. I don't

want ot be westernised but if u learn that piece of instrument, you would have to play the songs

that it invented for isn't it. I mean, It would feel so strange to play chinese or japanese songs

with violin. It sounds so absurd. But, wat the heck , one would say that i can learn the violin and

play the songs i wish to with tat instrument no matter wat music it is. It would be so Cool to be

able to master a skill of some other race. Or is it?

Demo~ Music is still music, no matter in what form. I've always thought 既然我已经下定决定

了，那就应该去做。大概是因为我对自己没自信吧。。。好奇怪。。

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

JUICY NEWS!!!

~~~nowadays rumor & news (from 星洲日报) concerning jin are so displeasing.

FIRST He has a Girlfriend. SECOND Jin is suspected of involvement in holding illegal drugs!! Worse, Yamapi, Ryoand Shirota Yuu (Kagurazaka ~ of Hana kimi (J)) are all involved in it.

Seriously, I dont believe they would do tat...

It's a stuffy and boring day!!

2008-11-07T21:55:00.000-05:00

It seems that my world revolve around a small space..........

KoNNIchiWa!! Minna !!!

Yo here's the News report for the 14th Brunei NBT Vienna Operetta Orchestra!! (Just a short one!! Need to go study Physics after this!)

We didn't expect the whole thing to be so extravagant. But when we saw security officials and ushers dressed in white NBT Toyota T-shirt standing outside on the roads beside the entrance, we saw the whole picture. The audiences were guided into the car park opposite the I.C.C. and required to board buses to enter the building. Ladies in sparkling gowns and gentlemen in neatly ironed suits stood at the door way to welcome everyone.

It was a little past eight and the show was about to start. Then crowds of elegantly dressed people filled into the hall. Beside me sat a very bored teenager. It seemed like he was forced to come here. hehe~ Then, we waited for Princess Sarah's arrival. Upon her arrival, the orchestra conducted the national anthem. The sweet crescendo of the anthem seemed to fill our hearts with pride. The music was magnificent ; it stroked the chords in the hearts of every audience in the hall.

There were duets, medleys and lastly...Dingin Malam Cinta, by Amy Mastura ... which I missed because we exited an hour ago!

2008-10-25T07:10:00.004-04:00

DEAREST ~~YAMAPI~~,

Damn...I feel so frustrated.

And turned bulimic.

I swallowed a couple of greeen broccoli and

a few strands of soggy beef noodles

should hav just threw it out the window like Yamapi did.

Lately,is the single publishing fever...

~~~~~~22/10 Hey Say JUMP~~~~Mayonaka no Shadow Boy ----

~~~~~~19/11 NEWS~~~~~~~~~~Colour ----------------------

~~~~~~03/12 KAT-TUN~~~~~~~White X'mas--------------

I'll insert the Hey Say JUMP single here
Hey Say! JUMP - Mayonaka no Shadow Boy.rar > http://www.mediafire.com/?dztncm2zekj

Credits to: Aipop

~~~~Have you ever wondered from where or when marriage started??

Mood:: Gearing up to study!!!

2008-10-24T07:05:00.003-04:00

DEAREST ~~YAMAPI~~!!

Just had a refreshing shower! Now I feel humid......
I just got a few things to say today:

~~~~~~~~~~1. On 27/10 -I have BM K1 and BM K2 & POA P1
~~~~~~~~~~2. On 7/11 - Going to attend the Vienna Orchestra at ICC.~~
~~~~~~~~~~3. After the exams, we're going to move into another house
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (again...This is the 10th time we moved) !!!

Oro??.......~

Biology PracticaLs....

2008-10-22T23:24:00.006-04:00

DEAREST ~~YAMAPI~~,

Tadaima!! I'm back from school and feeling very dazy and HoT~~

The BioPrac. today was quite okay for me. But many of my classmates did B.A.D. o_o

Kerry, NiSa, Von, Herng missed the Last Question..Darn I think the examiners did that on purpose. The last Q was inserted in the last page. In a moment of haste, many missed or forgotten abt it...

This year's prac is quita easy. 2008 5090/3/ Biology

~~~~~~~~~~~~Q1 is about investigating the cooling of 2 animals (cups)

~~~~~~~~~~~~Q2 is about the differences btwn a banana and cucumber.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

U know wat?? I finally figured out the differences btwn KAT-TUN and NEWS.

KAT-TUNs let u want to loose yourself...

~~~~~~~~~~~NEWS songs makes u want to find yourself .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~JAPANESE DAITE songs~~~

Boy Version~~~Yamashita Tomohisa ( Daite Senorita)

Girl Version~~~ Morning Musume 1998 (DAITE Hold on me)

Want to listen?? Just search thru mymusic playlist in the main page!!

On this Day, This is the moment

2008-10-20T18:33:00.005-04:00

DEAREST YAMAPI!! Ohayo Gozaimasu!! (Wake up, sleepyhead)

Today is a beautiful morning. Basked in the sublime tangerine rays of the sun, I feel happy and hopeful. I am going to make it today...I am going to be very careful in my Chemistry Practicals!!

Ah..~~ How I love the feel of having a routine life. When i wake up in the morning, I meditate, shower, revise some notes ,eat breakfast and prepare to go to school. All at my own pace...hehe ~~So loVely~

Of course I could only enjoy such privelages during the three days of Practicals I have. The other days..I have to wake up early and take off early. (But I will make the best of it , dont worry.)

Ne~~ Wish me Good Luck Yamapi~~!! :>

I'm hungry.. ja~~ I'm gonna go fix mon Breakfast!!

Love,

YukihikariBerry

Sunday sleezze

2008-10-19T05:43:00.004-04:00

Yo!! DEAREST ~~Yamapi!!~~,

One more day and the Battle begins...........

LOL.. I'm not sure if I am ready yet. But I guess I am. I think my character changed a lot ever since I crossed into senior years. In my junior years, there's a voice inside my head tat keeps reminding me that I should know this, memorize that or completed these by now. But now that voice is gone...only silence is left behind. I feel lost...I'm not sure what to do, when to do or how to do things anymore ~~(Darn it, my sista's phone is vibrating none stop...)~~ I seems that I'm lost at sea...like a piece of wood.

~~~~JuZ now I saw Herng's brother and Mabel dating at SupaSave (they disappeared after seeing me)~~~~

Do you want to see ~kaT-tun'S HITOTsu No ShiNinG StaR!~

It's just a view outside my window.But it looks so romantic that night (It was a blackout.)

Mood: Serious

2008-10-11T07:09:00.010-04:00

Damn.....I've been kicked out of my room.......... again......I think I really need to write an Ultimatum to keep my sanity in tact.. Or else I'll just blow like a fuse and start slashing everybody's throat....

But...It's bad to keep vengeance in one's heart, for some, however, vengeance is their only reason to continue living on in this cruel world. Like a shadow behind the light, they lurk around corners, hating and preparing to lash out at their enemies...

Tat darn HGC denied our request to extend our study leave ... Damn... Daikirai..ano onore no hito..Chung Ching School is starting their study leave today.

The only study leave we're granted are:

Form 5- 4 days

Form 3 - 2days

At school, our class is divided into 4 groups/ clans. Namely, the Benkyo~ clan, the Play-Play clan, and Mag clan.

Benkyo~clan sits in front and listens intently (or seem to) to the teacher teaching.

Play-play clan members consists of boys. They like to make nuisance of out of themselves and drive our hardworking teachers up the wall.

The Mag clan may sometimes be heard thousands of miles away. Eventhough the maximum displacement btwn THe Benkyo clan and them if a measly 1m. Well, u got to give them credit. Afterall, they are all studying very hard too... Studying Magazines that is...(Seventeen, Qawaii, Women's weekly....)
hehe...苦笑。劝君莫惜金缕衣, 劝君惜取少年时。

花开堪折直须折，莫待无花空折枝

古人劝我们这些小萝卜头要珍惜时间，为何我们不尊受呢?人云亦云。人心易随风飘, 唯有心灵坚韧者才能听到于自己真心的话。

Amazed at our fate.....

2008-10-03T19:46:00.006-04:00

有缘千里来相会，无缘对面不相逢。

见到你即开心，但也稍微感到伤心。

过了五年。。你还认得我吗??
看来。。。。应该没有。。。

我们的缘分就样结束了吗。还是才刚开始??
但愿下一此碰面。我会有勇气跟你说。。‘我喜欢你!’

Mood: Bored, Torn

2008-10-02T04:44:00.009-04:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI TO ALL MY MALAY FRENS!!!!!

WoW!! Malay cuisine can REAlly be SO Oishii!!!

Kirei desu ne~ (These cakes cost B$150.00++)

DAMN....I feel like shit today....(gomen ne~~~) Just emmm 19 days left to GCE "O" Levels Examinations... I think I'll be Alrite....ima wa ~Dont feel IMMENSE Pressure. Strangely.. I like Add. maths but I HATE D.Maths... Well, maybe it's becoz of the t'cher...Koolemo~

Kyo wa Samishii desu... Most of the Malay families have went home 'Balik Kampung~ So, the roads were empty this morning when we went for a morning walk around K.B town. Strangely enough I feel kinda Happy when I'm out of bed and walkin in the streets. But before that you can hardly pull me out of bed.. It just felt SO Comfortable under the sheets.. HEhe :>

Talkin of comfortable... I've watched a video recently about a competition between the Tokyo.Jr And the Kansai.Jr that took place ...emm... about 8 years ago. Yamapi, Ryo , Yuu Yokoyama, Tackey, Tsubasa, Jimmy Mackey and some others had to compete against one another in a dancing(fr 3hrs without H2O) and running marathon (5 km without mizu~) , a 110 mins of sauna without water, and at the end of the day (at night) they had to compete who would stay awake for the longest time.

Hehe.. ne~ Ryo Looks like a lion, So KAWAii Ne~~and I got to see Yamapi sleeping ..

Then, I thought that I could stay awake the whole night just to watch him sleep~~( I hope Yamapi doesn't read this!)

I'm thinking of Buying "Kurosagi".. and "Code Blue"...

In June, In Kuching

2008-09-23T11:55:00.010-04:00

Visit to KucHing in June.

We went to The Spring (at long last!!).
It looks REALLy nice and sunny outside. There's all kinds of delightful restaurants, cafes, boutiques, and shops of all kinds. INCLUDING

SOck'S WORlD. StaRBucKs.

And also the BIG APPLe, Their Donuts are REALLy Good!! Try de 'MangoPeach' & 'The Alien" Emm..YUMMy

Take a Look at this CAr!!!!

ABSolute Boyfriend

2008-09-21T06:44:00.005-04:00

Absolute Boyfriend

I just finished watching the series....sniff...It's such a touching Story...
The drama is a bit different from the manga series... I prefer the drama.

Boring Sunday.....

2008-09-21T04:14:00.005-04:00

I've decided to name you Cherry poptart ,how but tat? or would you be Yamapi?? ....I wanted to call you Yamapi... cause it sounds cute..but it fels like I'm using Yamapi's name...and creating enemies of his fans around the world....

Dame...Dame yo.....

Anyway, Hav i told u about 'the encounter' yesterday? Well, it was nothing too serious really... My sis & I was just terrorized by a flat, black and fast cockroach.
It was REALLY disgusting...I HATE Cockroaches...

Still 9 moredays of PUASA..hehe the tamu pasar is still on-going. Kimochi-ne. The evening breeze feels So cool.There are pots and pots of flowers on sale..So beautiful.

Hehe..Did u hear that the CUTE Gareh GAtes.KAWAII!! ne~

The GALLERY ..

2008-08-20T05:02:00.007-04:00

To:XXXXX

I SWEAR I'm gonna change this skin someday after the F5 exams..... damn cant even feel me inside here...

Ahhhh..... I love flowers....

And I LOVE JIN!! and Yamapi !!

~ Best of Friends ~

Mood:Sleepy

2008-08-20T04:31:00.006-04:00

Dearest Santa,

My Mock Exams are just around the corner. I feel kinda buzy these days. It stresses me out to see myself drifting further and further away from my goal.
I feel like wine bottle floating in the sea... I used to be filled with good brew, but ... lost some part of me along the way....drop by drop......I 'm an empty bottle now....floating and drinking in seawater....Very Bad...
I wish that one day , I'll be ableto find my way back to the wineyard where i was born.....where i was produced for a purpose .....

In other news...

20 August - Andy Bithday!!
I just read Vampire Knight Manga vol. 1, 2 and 5. WOW!!! It was superb!!! Well, although i have outgrown anime. I am still very much attracted to the great art and story plot. Poor Zero....

2 KAT-TUN Songs

2008-08-15T09:12:00.003-04:00

Here's Two of my fAvourite Songs from KAT-TUN;

1.Harukana Yakusoku (http://www.mediafire.com/?nj1nkfl3wye)

2. Keep the faith (http://www.mediafire.com/?nj1nkfl3wye)

Today Is Stationery Day!!

2008-08-01T08:15:00.005-04:00

Tranlation for Boao Q&A

2008-07-29T02:40:00.008-04:00

Q: What do you want the most?
A: A world where there's no paparazzi

Q: Where do you want to go most at the moment?

A: Paris, since i've never been there. I want to go to Europe!
I...I've got an American image?
Maa, since that much info has been out about me [implied: it can't be helped] (laughs).
Though it's not as if I saw anything in particular. While I'm talking with many
different people, I've started to hold an interest in European things.

Q: What foods have made you go "oishi!" lately?

A: Since Boao san prepared it for me today, SUSHI.
My favorite type is squid. However, there wasn't any squid today! (laughs)

Q: What word would you use to describe yourself?

A: Jin desu.
Because it's the name my parents gave me. I really like it. It's short and easy to say.
If I were to pick amongst "cute guy", "cool guy" and "guy you can't hate"?
I'm not any (laughs). Everyone around me calls me a "normal person"!

Q: What is a something a lady says that makes you go Doki!

A: That woman...the person I like?
If I don't like her I wont feel Doki.

If it's from a woman I like then whatever she says I'll feel it.

A a normal praising phrase like "how nice" is what I like best.

Being called "the guy I want to be held by[...ya you know that kinda hold]
or "the guy I want to make my lover" also make my happy.

But "the guy I want to sleep with" is kinda iya.

Q: Sexy voice, flirtatious glance, and finally lips. what are your weapons?

A: Eh? I don't get you (laughs).
Unfortunately, I don't possess anything that can be called weapons.
I plan to buy them sometime. iya, I guess they aren't things you can buy.
Respond to "talent" "looks" and "personality" you say?
Give me a break/let me off the hook (laughs) What do you want to do? do you want to bully me? (laughs)

2008-07-28T07:29:00.006-04:00

Prepare a box of tissue paper , people!! Here comes...

Very INspirational, Touching and beautiful story.

The will to live is buried deep within us. Waiting in the shadows for us to summon

its full power. Let us be grateful anf thankful for what we have.

Cherish every moment u have with the ones dearest to u.

Last Friends

2008-07-28T06:39:00.006-04:00

Just finished this drama....

So not happy about Ryo's role!!!

Wolves in the heart

2008-03-24T02:49:00.002-04:00

Man have two wolves fighting in their hearts.

One is LOVE, the other is HATE .

The one who wins is the one we feed the most.

By:Pathfinder

Life's A Candy

2008-02-12T09:58:00.001-05:00

キャンディ・キャンディ

To the Brim fill it with Candy,

Or Brandy,

Anything Dandy,

It might come in Handy,

When you're felling Blue or Cranky,

Just chew on something Chunky,

Anything Crunchy,

Funky,

Life's A Candy.